Gays: Please Stop Having Sex in Our Heads!

I recently read a Huffington Post article about Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association and some of his pronouncements about gays. I haven’t fact-checked whether the things he said are true, but some of them sound a little far out to me:

• Gays are responsible for the Nazi Party
• God will cure AIDS if Gays stop having sex (Did God tell someone this? I usually check my email daily and I didn’t see anything from God about this. It is not in my Bible.)
• Speaking out against homosexuals is not bullying and it’s not harassment
• Homosexual sex should be criminalized
• If someone complains about homosexual behavior, they will be sent to a Re-education Camp. (I hope they put the camps here in Indiana – we can use the extra jobs.)

He seems to talk about gays and gay male sex a lot – at least based on my non-scientific sample of looking around the Internet.

Mr. Fisher is not alone. The Pope said that same-sex marriage puts the very existence of humanity at risk. Pastor Patrick Wooden claimed that gay men “have to wear a diaper” because of “what happens to the male anus” after anal sex. He thinks that gay men in their 40s or 50’s will need to wear butt plugs or diapers. I know some gay guys in that age group. I’d ask them except I would be embarrassed to ask about diapers and butt plugs and think it would be insulting to ask anyone a question like that. He is further quoted as saying “The God of the Bible made the human sperm, the God of the Bible designed it and it was not designed to be emptied into an area that is filled with feces.” I don’t know how to check, but it seems like guys should have been born with a warning label down there! He also said that gay sex would “most certainly mean the extinction of the human race.”

Matthew Hagee, son of right-wing televangelist John Hagee (I had previously never heard of either of these guys, but they must be someone important enough to get on television) said that contracting AIDS is a choice and symptom of adultery. Again, no fact checking, but I don’t think anyone wants to contract an incurable disease. Do they? If gays aren’t allowed to get married, how can they be guilty of adultery?

In 2003, now Presidential candidate Rick Santorum (uggh – Google it!) said that consensual homosexual acts are not covered by the right to privacy. I hope he is not advocating that they do them publicly! He recently said that if same-sex marriage was legal, it would be taught in schools. Rick and several other Republican candidates said that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell should be reinstated because there is no place for sexual activity in the military. I wasn’t aware that allowing openly gay soldiers to serve was the same as them having sex whenever and wherever they want. Mr. Santorum also said that sodomy (I think that is one of the kinds of sex that gays have) is “antithetical to a healthy, stable, traditional family.” Gays – if you are going to do sodomy (have sodomy?) please don’t do it in front of the family!

I have given a lot of speeches and presentations. I never mentioned gay sex or sodomy once in 30 years of public speaking! But I am not a pastor, pope or politician. It sounds like every time these guys see a gay guy, all they can think about is sex!

If you are like me and grimace a little when people describe other people having sex, and when they talk about it a lot, then you might question why these guys talk about gay sex all the time. They don’t seem to talk about heterosexual couples having anal sex. That is not only open to gay people, is it? I never asked anyone, but I would imagine that over the course of history, at least one heterosexual couple has tried it.

I don’t hear them talking about two women having sex. Either that is not as bad as gay sex (with guys); or maybe it’s bad, but not bad enough that it endangers humanity; or maybe it’s bad, but not bad enough that the pope and pastors and politicians feel that it should be talked about all the time; or maybe it turns them on and it is fine. I don’t know.

I guess I’m in the minority that doesn’t think much about other people’s sex lives. And I certainly don’t study it enough to know what happens to other people when they’ve been having sex a certain way and hit age 40 or 50. I don’t try to get a picture in my head about what happens when others have sex.

I’m confused as to why there is all the hubbub. (If hubbub is not a word, I hope you know what I mean.) I would think that it is not the fault of the good politicians and religious leaders. Therefore, it must be the fault of the gay people.

Then it hit me. The gay people are at fault because they have sex in our heads.

Lots of people think about gay sex all the time. They wonder why the guys do it. They wonder how they do it. Why doesn’t God hit them with a lightning bolt or something when they have sex? They wonder who is the girl? Who is the boy (pitcher and catcher)? Do they change roles? Does it hurt? These are questions that some people must ponder. A lot. All the time. And after they ponder, a lot, they feel the need to talk to us about it.

Not only are the gays having sex, but also they insist on having sex in our heads to mess us up. It is unnatural. It is against God’s laws. And they continue to have sex in our heads. It is just plain rude. I hope you see the dilemma. We will never rid our society of the problem of gay people having sex. They won’t even do it in private. They insist in doing it in our heads. Please stop.

I considered the possibility that perhaps the reason some of the religious and political leaders think and talk about gay sex all the time is that they are gay and are hiding it. That couldn’t be it. Could it?