Gays: Please Stop Having Sex in Our Heads!

I recently read a Huffington Post article about Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association and some of his pronouncements about gays. I haven’t fact-checked whether the things he said are true, but some of them sound a little far out to me:

• Gays are responsible for the Nazi Party
• God will cure AIDS if Gays stop having sex (Did God tell someone this? I usually check my email daily and I didn’t see anything from God about this. It is not in my Bible.)
• Speaking out against homosexuals is not bullying and it’s not harassment
• Homosexual sex should be criminalized
• If someone complains about homosexual behavior, they will be sent to a Re-education Camp. (I hope they put the camps here in Indiana – we can use the extra jobs.)

He seems to talk about gays and gay male sex a lot – at least based on my non-scientific sample of looking around the Internet.

Mr. Fisher is not alone. The Pope said that same-sex marriage puts the very existence of humanity at risk. Pastor Patrick Wooden claimed that gay men “have to wear a diaper” because of “what happens to the male anus” after anal sex. He thinks that gay men in their 40s or 50’s will need to wear butt plugs or diapers. I know some gay guys in that age group. I’d ask them except I would be embarrassed to ask about diapers and butt plugs and think it would be insulting to ask anyone a question like that. He is further quoted as saying “The God of the Bible made the human sperm, the God of the Bible designed it and it was not designed to be emptied into an area that is filled with feces.” I don’t know how to check, but it seems like guys should have been born with a warning label down there! He also said that gay sex would “most certainly mean the extinction of the human race.”

Matthew Hagee, son of right-wing televangelist John Hagee (I had previously never heard of either of these guys, but they must be someone important enough to get on television) said that contracting AIDS is a choice and symptom of adultery. Again, no fact checking, but I don’t think anyone wants to contract an incurable disease. Do they? If gays aren’t allowed to get married, how can they be guilty of adultery?

In 2003, now Presidential candidate Rick Santorum (uggh – Google it!) said that consensual homosexual acts are not covered by the right to privacy. I hope he is not advocating that they do them publicly! He recently said that if same-sex marriage was legal, it would be taught in schools. Rick and several other Republican candidates said that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell should be reinstated because there is no place for sexual activity in the military. I wasn’t aware that allowing openly gay soldiers to serve was the same as them having sex whenever and wherever they want. Mr. Santorum also said that sodomy (I think that is one of the kinds of sex that gays have) is “antithetical to a healthy, stable, traditional family.” Gays – if you are going to do sodomy (have sodomy?) please don’t do it in front of the family!

I have given a lot of speeches and presentations. I never mentioned gay sex or sodomy once in 30 years of public speaking! But I am not a pastor, pope or politician. It sounds like every time these guys see a gay guy, all they can think about is sex!

If you are like me and grimace a little when people describe other people having sex, and when they talk about it a lot, then you might question why these guys talk about gay sex all the time. They don’t seem to talk about heterosexual couples having anal sex. That is not only open to gay people, is it? I never asked anyone, but I would imagine that over the course of history, at least one heterosexual couple has tried it.

I don’t hear them talking about two women having sex. Either that is not as bad as gay sex (with guys); or maybe it’s bad, but not bad enough that it endangers humanity; or maybe it’s bad, but not bad enough that the pope and pastors and politicians feel that it should be talked about all the time; or maybe it turns them on and it is fine. I don’t know.

I guess I’m in the minority that doesn’t think much about other people’s sex lives. And I certainly don’t study it enough to know what happens to other people when they’ve been having sex a certain way and hit age 40 or 50. I don’t try to get a picture in my head about what happens when others have sex.

I’m confused as to why there is all the hubbub. (If hubbub is not a word, I hope you know what I mean.) I would think that it is not the fault of the good politicians and religious leaders. Therefore, it must be the fault of the gay people.

Then it hit me. The gay people are at fault because they have sex in our heads.

Lots of people think about gay sex all the time. They wonder why the guys do it. They wonder how they do it. Why doesn’t God hit them with a lightning bolt or something when they have sex? They wonder who is the girl? Who is the boy (pitcher and catcher)? Do they change roles? Does it hurt? These are questions that some people must ponder. A lot. All the time. And after they ponder, a lot, they feel the need to talk to us about it.

Not only are the gays having sex, but also they insist on having sex in our heads to mess us up. It is unnatural. It is against God’s laws. And they continue to have sex in our heads. It is just plain rude. I hope you see the dilemma. We will never rid our society of the problem of gay people having sex. They won’t even do it in private. They insist in doing it in our heads. Please stop.

I considered the possibility that perhaps the reason some of the religious and political leaders think and talk about gay sex all the time is that they are gay and are hiding it. That couldn’t be it. Could it?

Still the Biggest Scandal in History

I know a married couple with a child. Actually, I know of them. I’ve talked to each of them, but they never give me a verbal answer. Anyway, when this couple decided to get married, the girl was 14-years-old – 15 tops! The guy was older. No one really knows how much older, but some people guess in his 40s or 50s. Some people think he was divorced or a widower, but he is a mystery man. No one really has much detail. You have to wonder if he was some kind of pervert for wanting to marry a 14-year-old girl.

The girl was about the sweetest person you’ve ever met, always making people feel good in her presence. Seemingly very religious, she was quiet and didn’t talk about it. They got engaged, and no one in the town seemed to say anything even though the girl was so young. Before they were married, this young girl gets pregnant! Again, it should have been a major scandal. Where was the outcry from the good people? The girl inexplicably said it was not the guy that got her pregnant. It was the “Holy Spirit.” Who could buy a story like this? As far as I could tell, no one said anything except for her cousin, who thought it was great. She must be some sick-o. I can’t believe no one took action and had this child-abusing guy arrested.

I guess they didn’t want anyone to be around when the baby was born, so they ignored her health and traveled to another town when she was ready to have the kid. The guy must have been poor or cheap, because she had the baby in a stable. Not only should he have been arrested for child abuse, both should have been arrested for child endangerment.

Amazingly, the kid was born without a hitch and grew up healthy. Everyone seemed to love him until some of the religious establishment had him killed. It all catches up to you eventually!

*************

I’d like you to think of your reactions as you read this story. Did you raise your eyebrows? Did you gasp? Did you shake your head? (I think in the Bible, they refer to is as “wagging your head.”) Did you recognize the story of Jesus, Mary and Joseph? This is a story that almost everyone has heard since childhood. Many cherish this story and it is a pillar of their faith. We are easily influenced by our biases and preconceived notions. We are taught categorization from birth. Were you so quick to judge that you were angry about a story that is the basis of faith for quite an extensive number of people in the world?

Perhaps you recognize the story of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. All true, but most people would never want Joseph arrested. People love Mary and many claim she was the best human ever born. You probably have heard what kind of person Jesus grew up to be.

Rather than jumping to conclusions and judging, we might consider learning about people and enjoying them for who they are. If any of us are lucky enough to be face-to-face with Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I’ll bet we’d react differently than we might have when we were reading the story.

Enjoy other people. Enjoy Diversity.

JJ's Top Eleven Suggestions for 2012

1. Let God be God. We do not need to defend the Creator of the universe. Let’s use the time, money and energy used to defend God to help some of his creation - people, the environment, animals in shelters, etc. Also, let’s let God be the judge.
2. Politicians: Don’t hurt people for your own personal gain. For example – if you make a nasty comment about Muslims, or gays, or Democrats, or Republicans, or whomever, to ingratiate yourself with the haters and grab some votes for yourself, this might be wrong. If you hold up progress to hurt the other side, this may also be wrong. Try to improve things for everyone, not only your backers. And for American politicians – a news note: “The enemy” is not on the other side of the aisle.
3. Let’s help each other rise up out of this crappy economy. Hire someone; use services; (consultants are an example, but that’s just my opinion since I run a consulting firm!) buy from small businesses; buy local; take risks.
4. I thought America was the land of the free. Let’s grant equal rights and freedoms to everyone. That includes gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders.
5. Businessmen and women – I thought America was the home of the brave. Let’s act like it. If you have money, maybe you can spend some improving your business, hiring needed people, fixing equipment, planting something around your facilities, donating money, doing good for the community and the world. Hoarding cash, firing as many people as possible and cutting cost regardless of the consequences because you are afraid of the uncertain future is not what Americans are proud to do. I’m not sure, but I think the future has always been uncertain.
6. Learn something about another country, culture, religion, viewpoint, race, etc. at least once a week. Get out and see what other people, who may or may not be like you are doing. Try new foods. Open your mind and heart to the richness of others.
7. Religious leaders – Try to be saints instead of gatekeepers, rule makers, and self-servers. As Jesus said, “You know that the Gentiles lord it over them, and the great ones make their authority over them felt. But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you shall be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave. Just so, the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20: 25-28 And if you are a religious leader and not a follower of Christ, Jesus’ words are still wise guidance.
8. Enjoy the beauty in nature. There is magnificence in the mountains, the oceans and spanning vistas, but also in a single flower, microscopic organisms and a bird enjoying a meal. I particularly enjoy looking at the bare trees in the winter, especially with the setting sun behind the tree. There is something magical about being able to see the outline/skeleton that is usually hidden from our view.
9. Dance; or sing; or play an instrument; or make rhythm; or clap along; or bang on pans with a wooden spoon. (Our grandson seems to really like the banging on pans!) Enjoy music.
10. Help a child; teach a child; enjoy being with children; attend children’s games and shows and concerts and recitals and events. Let’s make the children more of a priority. One NFL game (for example - 70,000 seats sold at an average of $85 per seat) yields nearly $6,000,000 in gate receipts. Contrast that with buying musical instruments (say $750 each per instrument) for a school of 2500 students, which would cost nearly $2 million. I am not suggesting we give up on football, but consider what would happen to the lives of children over the next twenty years if we spent a portion of the money expended on watching millionaires play football (or substitute many of the other pro sports) and instead spent some of it on the children.
11. Enjoy Diversity. Pray for peace. Have a blessed New Year.

JJ Gufreda