Better Than Judging?

People in our society spend a lot of energy judging and condemning others – often for the sin of being different. Look at gender identity and sexual attraction as an example. Have you heard people say: Should we expose our children to Chaz Bono on TV? If we accept same sex marriage, will everyone turn gay? Are gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders born that way or do they choose their “lifestyle.” Can they choose to be something else (or not act on it)? I looked it up in the Bible and found the place where it says that you are an abomination…

I am transgender and hid it for most of my life until the mid 2000’s, Questions and statements like those on the list above are interesting and might be worthy of scientific study. Humans always have curiosity about our nature. I also am curious about some similar things – Why are some people left-handed and others right-handed? Why do some people love chocolate and others don’t care for it? Why do some people crave sushi and others are grossed out by raw fish? Interesting questions. It may be good to know the answers. But, does it really matter?

I am for scientific research – learning the truth, but not for judging God, or the creator, or the universe, or the reason we are here and why we are the way we are. It took me over 50 years to figure out I needed to change genders. If it took me that long to figure out a very important part of me (my gender), I can’t hope to figure out what God was thinking when I was created. Or if you don’t believe in God, what were the causal factors that made me the way I am?

A few other questions for me to ponder: Why am I 5’5” tall? Why do I have a weird sense of humor? Why is my hair blonde? Oh, wait, I know the answer to that one…

Perhaps we would appreciate others more if we attempted to Enjoy Diversity rather than trying to explain and judge it? By enjoying diversity, I have found that a lot of my gay friends are fun; I like to dance; I like Asian food (it’s not Italian, but it’s pretty good anyway. How many Sicilian/Italian women do you know that can make sushi and her favorite sushi chef is Mexican?); I have friends that were born in different countries; and one of my best friends is a Republican. How we can differ so greatly in basic political philosophy, but be good friends is beyond my understanding. We enjoy each other’s company; we like and support each other, and work to try to understand our seemingly irrational and inconsistent views. Agree or not, we are friends. It does not bother us when we don’t agree.

I am not saying that I like everything or everyone, but I am trying to enjoy everyone as much as I can, and I appreciate the differences as well as our similarities. It helps me learn and it is much more fun than judging and condemning. Oh, and have a sense of humor. It helps!

Left-Hander in London - now available

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/105682

http://lefthanderinlondon.wordpress.com/buy-the-book/

Here's a recent review:

In Left Hander in London, JJ Gufreda takes on two ambitious goals: relate her personal journey as a male-to-female transgender and provide a guidebook to help anyone (and everyone) understand not only the "T" part of LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender), but others in this still-persecuted community. She succeeds admirably.

JJ's personal journey not only provides context for the larger picture, but also lends credibility to a life story that some might be tempted to dismiss as not of importance or having impact on their own lives. Getting to know JJ through LHIL, however, is to understand that she is not a character who lurks on the fringe of "normal" society. Quite the contrary: Joe Gufreda was (and JJ Marie Gufreda is) a loving and committed marital partner and parent to three children and a grandchild. Gufreda also continues to be a respected business consultant. What has changed for JJ – aside from her gender, of course – is her world view regarding religion, the value of diversity and acceptance, and the very nature of love and friendship (both of which, it turns out, must be unconditional if they are to survive).

JJ also weaves into the story -- and in supplemental material -- a practical "Field Guide" to help even the most "normal" amongst us understand not only our fellow life travelers, but our own biases and reactions. Frankly, I wondered if this dual-purpose approach would succeed, but it does indeed. JJ knows of where she speaks: as Joe and JJ who have, respectively, lived as a man and woman, as a father and grandmother, as a devout Catholic and as a free-thinking person of faith.

Yes, this book takes on some heavy stuff, but JJ delivers her perspective with pragmatism and a strong dose of humor. Think this book doesn't have bearing on your own life? Think again. This fascinating and insightful work deserves your attention if you, or anyone you know, have ever struggled to lead an authentic life.

Bob Chenoweth, Writer and LGBT Business Executive

Left Hander in London at the Printer

I uploaded the book to the printer and ordered a small run for review. After those check out, I'll make them available for purchase. Be sure to check lefthanderinlondon.com

Left-Hander in London - Available soon

Left-Hander in London: A Field Guide to Transgenders, Lesbians, Gays and Bisexuals - In the Family, On the Job and In the Pew is finished and has been sent to the publisher. It should be released in early to mid October.

Stupid Candidate Pledges

Candidates sign pledges to try to get elected. If they stick with these pledges, it limits their ability to compromise, find new solutions, and react to a changing environment. Instead of all of these stupid (and sometimes hateful,) self serving pledges, perhaps they could say:

"I am not signing a pledge because I may need to change my mind or compromise for the good of the country." (I am a leader and can make decisions)

I promise to try to:

"Have good will towards everyone."

"Make things better."

Boycott the NFL

Where is the initiative from the NFL fans to boycott the NFL? Our taxes supplement their income and pays for their stadiums. Have you checked on ticket prices for a game? They make so much money that they refer to the pie as being so big that it doesn't make sense to not come to an agreement. Most people are suffering and have suffered through the Great Recession. I hear pronouncements about the welfare of the fans, but I sure don't think they feel our pain! Should we continue to support the arrogant rich owners and players? There are some great alternatives:

Build and maintain libraries with the money we spend on pro sports

Support youth sports

Watch a kids game or event that you aren't that familiar with - debate team, girls soccer, drum and bugle corp, dance competitions, drama club, etc.

Find another sport to enjoy that deserves the respect and support of the fans. I like boxing.

Watch women's sports - soccer, WNBA, etc. They aren't rich, there are some special athletes and they appear to be trying to win!

Buy books and teach kids to read every Sunday afternoon from 1-4 p.m.

Spend your money on businesses that treasure their customers

I gave up watching baseball after the strike in the 80's after being an Indian fan for all those terrible years. I lived. I don't waste any time watching pro baseball or wondering which of the stars have been juicing. It shouldn't be hard to give up the NFL.

I don't like pudding

I don't like pudding

Many people, religions, businesses and organizations try to embrace diversity, show tolerance, have inclusion and accept everyone. I think that while these are certainly good goals, especially given where we have come from, we should take it one step further. We should lovingly and selfishly appreciate other people and other ideas. Accepting and tolerating are negative sounding terms. Appreciating means that we listen to other people, hear their ideas, understand their history and culture, and enjoy what they bring to creation. I say selfishly because when we go beyond first impressions or accepting/rejecting based on categories - religion, race, sexuality, gender, location, politics, etc., we stand ready to ponder new ideas, eat new foods, play new games, relax with new forms of entertainment and many other free surprises. The other person benefits and we benefit as well.

This does not mean that we need to like everything or everyone, but if you don't like a person, idea or whatever, at least know that you tried it and gave the person a chance to enrich our lives, and hopefully we do the same for them. I like Jello. It's cool, it's tasty, it's low calorie and fun to eat. I like Jello. I don't like pudding. It makes be gag. I tried it, and nothing against people that like it, but it's not for me. I like bread pudding. I wasn't going to try it, because it sounded like pudding, but I did and it is a treat. How much fun, how many good ideas, how much can we gain and share if we treat ideas and people like Jello and pudding?